Maybe open adoption has crossed your mind, but it’s one of those options you quickly pushed aside—maybe because of things you’ve heard or because it just feels too heavy. But what if adoption today is different from what you’ve been told? If you’re feeling lost and unsure what to do next, that’s completely normal. It might help to examine what open adoption means and how it could fit into your life.
A Look Back: Adoption’s History
In the past, adoption often involved secrecy. Unmarried women were sent away to give birth in private, and families adopted their babies without the birth mother’s input. Many adoptees grew up not knowing their birth parents, leaving them confused about their identity. Those old practices have been replaced with more transparent, supportive, and open adoption processes.
Adoption Today: Your Choice, Your Terms
Now, adoption is centered on you, the birth mother. It’s about giving you the power to decide:
- Choosing the adoptive family that fits your values.
- Deciding on the level of openness (like staying in touch through updates, visits, or photos).
- Getting ongoing support before, during, and after the adoption process.
Open adoption means you can maintain a connection with your child, giving them a sense of identity and allowing you to stay reassured about their well-being.
What Can I Expect If I Choose Adoption?
1. Options Counseling
You can explore all your options to help make the best decision for you. At places like Birthright St Charles, compassionate counselors will support you, without pressure, to process your needs and options.
2. Making an Adoption Plan
If adoption feels right, an agency like Good Shepherd Children and Family Services can guide you. You decide everything: the adoptive family, how much contact you want, and the kind of support you need.
3. Choosing Adoptive Parents
You can look through profiles of potential adoptive families and choose the one that fits your desires. These families are carefully vetted to ensure a loving environment.
4. Ongoing Support
After the adoption, you’ll have access to support groups, counseling, and resources to help you process your emotions and create a healthy relationship with the adoptive family. Grieving, healing, and growing at your own pace is okay.
Debunking Common Myths
- Myth: “If I choose adoption, I’ll never see my child again.”
- Truth: Open adoption lets you decide to stay connected through visits and updates.
- Myth: “Adoption means I’m giving up on my baby.”
- Truth: Adoption is a loving decision that allows your child to thrive with a stable, supportive family.
- Myth: “Open adoption will confuse my child.”
- Truth: Research shows that open adoption helps children understand their identity and feel loved by both their birth and adoptive families.
Taking Your Next Step
Adoption is a brave, compassionate choice, but it’s entirely your decision. If you’re curious, take your time, talk to a counselor, and explore your options. Whatever you choose, remember—you’re not alone. There are people ready to walk this journey with you, offering support and understanding along the way.
Co-authored by Jami McDermott and Katy Stern, LMSW, LCSW
